mallamun:

I. love. smut.

However, I have noticed a few… puzzling… recurrences in my preferred genre. Now, it has been scientifically proven that slash fic releases the same chemicals in the brain as eating chocolate does, and it has also been scientifically proven that chocolate releases the same chemicals in the brain as love/sex, ergo, reading fan fiction is neurologically akin to falling in love. Theoretically, you can live on slash fic without ever needing to leave the house (except to buy chocolate).

Unfortunately, there is also this little part of my brain that I have to turn off while I’m wanking to a good Sherlock/John kinkmeme entry: it’s the part of me that knows, deep down, that I’m masturbating to material written by an 8th grader.

Index

1. The Medically Worrisome Erection
2. The Magically Appearing Lube
3. The Utterly Pointless Condom
4. The Shiny, Scary Anal Sex (aka “Full Sex” or “Real Sex”)
5. The Not-So-Elusive P-Spot
6. The Esoteric Orgasm
7. That Thing He Does With His Tongue 
8. Conclusion 

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Read this because you must. It has truth and I laughed.